It’s hard to explain the life and sacrifices of a birthmother. No one truly understands what she goes through, except for other birthmothers. Yet, many people form beliefs about birthmothers, adoptees and adoptive parents that simply aren’t true. It’s important for everyone involved in the adoption process that they aren’t a stereotype.. They’re a unique family with a story to share.

Mainstream media represents adoption inaccurately as well. Media rarely shows adoption from the birthmother’s perspective. When it is, the birthmother is often young, unmarried, and trying to hide her pregnancy. This builds many stereotypes about birthmothers and adoption that simply aren’t true. We must challenge common beliefs about birthmoms  because they don’t represent the birthmother’s individual journey:

All birthmothers are teenagers.

Most people associate adoption with teenage moms, but this isn’t accurate at all. Statistics show that pregnant women are more likely to choose adoption if they’re in college or have completed some sort of higher education. Many of the women we help are in their 20s and 30s and simply aren’t ready to parent for other reasons other than age.

All birthmothers are unmarried.

While it helps to have a partner when raising a child, some married couples choose adoption. They may not be completely financially secure, have health issues that would make parenting difficult, or simply want to wait until later in their marriage to have children. Not every married couple wants to have kids right away. Adoption is a great option for these couples.

All unplanned pregnancies are unwanted.

Not every mother who has an unplanned pregnancy regrets their pregnancy. Many women want to bring a child into the world, even if they decide that they won’t be the ones to raise a child. All birthmothers struggle with making the decision, but for many the knowledge that they are giving the gift of parenthood to another family is makes the decision easier.

Birthmothers will always regret their decision.

Birthmothers fear regretting their decision, but for most this isn’t an issue after the placement is made. Feelings of regret are strongest the first few days after the birth when a mother’s hormones are strongest She may yearn for her baby, but eventually, the feelings of regret turn into feelings of strength from overcoming such a difficult time.

It’s up to you to define what you want your birthmother journey to be. Embrace your unique role in your child’s life, and don’t be afraid to share your story with others.