The Day After Your Adoption
After the birth, and after the new adoptive family has taken your baby home – when you’ve settled back into everyday life – you’ll have the feeling–the feeling that you’re missing something more than the life you carried for nine months. A part of your life has changed.
The first day after the adoption is the hardest. You should take that day to rest, reflect, and think about you first day “back to normal”. Of course you may not feel normal for a while, and that is o.k. With every day, the grief eases. With every new day is an opportunity to process through your emotions and heal.
Many women feel grief, loss, confusion and sometimes relief. You may feel more at ease now that your child is in good hands and you made it through the hardest part: pregnancy. The grief will come in waves, and if you have trouble coping some days, that’s o.k. too. Every emotion you battle is a sign that you’re getting stronger, and learning what it means to be a birthmother.
You should also know that you have done a wonderful, selfless act. No two birthmothers share the same story, but yours can help those in the beginning of their pregnancies to deal with the decisions and planning as you sympathise with their journey and continue yours.
The changes of life as a birthmother are never over. At every anniversary, memory, and even on your normal days you’ll grow and learn more about yourself that you didn’t know. No one can fully prepare you for all the ways you’ll see yourself and the world differently. The next time you see a mom and baby, you may ask yourself, “Is that baby adopted?” You may wonder to yourself, “What if that were me?” But no one can ever truly answers these questions for you.
The day after the adoption, you may feel regret, or a strong feeling that “maybe I should have thought more about this.” Remember that this is all normal. Once the initial wave of the grief has passed, you will know that you made the choice to do this selfless act for your baby. And if you felt in your heart that this was the right choice then you should feel nothing but pride and self-love.
Talk to someone, a family member or another birthmother, after the adoption to help you overcome any stress or negative feelings. You will feel more relief and confidence in your decision after being reassured by your supporters that everything you’ve done is right. Many places offer birthmother support groups, where you can share your feelings with others who are going through the same feelings you are. Keep in mind on this difficult day that you are never alone. Your family, the adoptive parents, and most importantly your baby will always appreciate the choice for adoption.