Motherhood Without A Childhood

Adoption has been given a false image by the media in recent years. Not enough people tell the birthmother’s story after pregnancy. We focus on the birth, the choice, the gift of life to the child. But what happens after your baby is born, and he or she goes to live with the adoptive family? The classic story tells that this is the time where you “move on,” and “go live your life.” Surely that’s what you’ve been told. That’s the reason why many women choose to adopt. But how does “moving on” actually happen?

When you choose to give your child for adoption, contrary to the popular adoption story, you don’t give up your motherhood. You are just as much a mother to your child as the adoptive mother. But your love and the maternal instinct is embraced in a different way. At times it will feel very unnatural. You will wonder, “What is my child’s life like now?” You will ask yourself if adoption was the right choice, even after the birth. This doesn’t mean that your doubt should make you feel differently; your adoptive family certainly will love your child. You’re just learning to express your motherhood in an unconventional way.

Birthmothers shouldn’t feel as if they have to give up their motherhood. It’s a special right, one which cannot be taken from you, nor do you relinquish if you choose adoption. But the path to motherhood will involve a new type of love. You will want to protect your child more than anything, which is why you allow a second mother into their life to guide them. No one should say you were ever incapable of being the perfect mother for your child. Your choice of adoption shows just the opposite. Your maternal love bridged a personal sacrifice, and gave new meaning to your role as a caregiver. Your motherhood begins when you first discover your baby, and only grows after that.

Motherhood without a child will challenge and strengthen you. The role of motherhood doesn’t have to be traditional. Watching over your child from a distance, encouraging them to grow and learn from the family you chose to influence their childhood. If you choose adoption, your motherhood doesn’t have to end. It simply transforms. And within your heart it can grow until you are ready to embrace what you learned with your child.

If you’re struggling through pregnancy, or have questions about adoption, please contact Birthmothers Choice today. You are not alone in the search for a healthy, positive future as a birthmother, and we would be more than happy to talk to you about your options and planning.