Your Child Will Appreciate Your Choice of Adoption

After your baby is born, you’ll always wonder what they think of you. There are stories of children being united with their birth parents that are both touching and heartbreaking. Because the emotions associated with adoption are at times a struggle, but can uplift birthmothers of the fear for the future that they experience everyday.

Many birthmothers come to us wondering how the adoption process works after the pregnancy. They ask when the child will find out that they’re adopted, and what their reaction will be like. We guide these mothers by showing them what to expect, and methods to dealing with anxiety, guilt, and the stress not knowing  their child’s perception of them as the birthmother.

Typically, parents will tell their children they were adopted early on, as young as two years old. Many children are brought up accepting that adoption is normal, when they have “Adoption Day” as well as birthday parties, and may even have been given pictures of you.

If you choose an open adoption, you can be part of the process of your child accepting adoption as a normal parental relationship. You want to emphasize that you made the decision for their own best interest, so that they know you never felt guilty for your decision. You may sometimes feel doubt, but your child will want to know in their hearts that you always loved them, even if you’re apart. Open adoptions allow you to retain a communication with your child, so they can not only ask the adoptive parents questions, but can learn from you what it’s like being their birthmother.

If you ever reunite with your child, remember the moment when you were afraid of losing their love. Remember that even though time and space separated you, that you never have to stop loving your child. Be honest, and tell them that you love them. You may want to say something like this:

“I want you to know that I did grieve the loss of you in my life. Though I knew an adoptive family would give you a nurturing home and bright future, at times I still felt very scared of losing you.

I thought about you, and how precious your life would become. I wondered if you would ever get to know me, or if you would even want to. You were such a blessing in my life, and I hope that my transformation gives you hope as well.

Though I miss you, I know your adoptive mother and father love you as I do. And they gave you the things I would have, including unconditional love, security, and the ability to succeed.

I would like to get to know you, when you are ready. You are a shining light in my life, and I will accept you and your experience as an adoptee.”

Your child will not resent you. They may be shy or not know how to feel, but you will always be the first mother in their life. Always remember that you made the right choice, because it was your heart, not your fear or outside influencers that took you to that decision. Your child will respect you for loving them from birth, and choosing the right path for both of you.