6 Things a Birthmother Wants Adoptive Parents to Know

A birthmother experiences many emotions, feelings, and conscious decisions as she goes through the process from finding out about her unplanned pregnancy to placing the child into his adoptive home to thinking about the child as he becomes a young adult. The decision wasn’t easy; but, if adoption is the choice she makes for her baby, these points can bring empathy and understanding between her and the adoptive family. These are six things every birthmother wants the adoptive parents to know and understand.

1. I chose adoption because I put my child’s needs above my own. This is the ultimate sign of love.
2. I chose adoption because my choice affected more than just me. My child has the love of adoptive parents and the extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to play with.
3. I want my child to know I love them. One day maybe it will be possible to tell them as I look into their eyes.
4. I place my trust in you, the adoptive parents, to share with my child who I am and why I chose adoption. As you share I hope you’ll be truthful and respectful, speaking well of me.
5. I hope you will support my child to be raised with respect and appreciation for others and encourage them to follow their dreams.
6. I would never disrupt my child’s life. I painstakingly made the best decision for the child and would not want anything to interrupt that life I gave him–including me.

As a birthmother we never stop thinking about our child. We made the choice to place the child into the adoption process as an act of love; therefore, we want the adoptive parents to realize the conscious choices we have made on behalf of the child. Remembering these six things can help an adoptive parent understand some of the decision making process that was carefully considered and the ongoing thoughts a birthmother has regarding her child.
Birthmothers don’t make an easy choice when they choose adoption and their love doesn’t end for their child. Love lasts forever.