Reaching Acceptance From Grief and Loss

Anger, grief, guilt…..these are natural feelings as you decide whether adoption is the best choice for you and your baby. Understanding these are natural emotions can help you navigate through the seven phases of grief and loss and accept your decision to place your baby for adoption. When you feel peace about your decision you will know you’ve reached the acceptance stage. Let’s walk through the seven stages of grief and loss until we reach acceptance.

1. Denial. As your belly grows you can not deny you are pregnant; but, you may say “I can’t believe this is happening to me!”. This is a sign of the denial stage. It is happening to you and it is normal to feel this way.
2. Anger. Anger is another natural feeling. You may be angry at the father who is uninvolved or unsupportive. You may resent the pregnancy because it has shaken life as you know it. Anger and resentment are the second stage of the grief and loss process. Allow these feelings to be understood.
3. Shock. This may be the first thing you feel as you find out you are pregnant. You are unsure of what to do next and feel frozen in time as your mind can’t grasp the news and move toward the decision making process.
4. Depression. This is probably one emotion you are familiar with, as most of us have experienced depression at one time or another. However, the thought of placing your baby in another home and having that sense of loss can put you in a state of more severe depression. After making the decision to place your baby into an adoptive home, depression can turn to joy as you see the beautiful future your child will have.
5. Fear. This is another emotion all of us are familiar with. Perhaps as a child you were afraid of thunderstorms or the dark. As an older child you were afraid when you rode your first roller coaster. But, this fear is a fear of uncertainty for you and your baby. You are frightened of the untimeliness of the pregnancy and you are fearful of your baby’s future. It is normal. But, going through the adoption process will help eliminate these fears.
6. Guilt. Guilt is a tough emotion. You feel guilty and irresponsible for getting yourself into this “predicament”. Others may make you feel guilty and selfish for “giving up your baby”. But, remember, placing your baby into an adoptive home is not selfish. You are giving that baby the gift of a future in a loving home that is prepared to receive a child.
7. Acceptance. Acceptance is a natural process that will happen over time, not all at once. You may begin to feel acceptance when you decide adoption is the right choice. The feeling of acceptance will increase once you’ve chosen the adoptive parents. The process of acceptance will continue as you watch your child grow up in the loving home you were responsible for placing him in.

Grief and loss are emotions we all experience after a major transition such as the death of a loved one close to us, divorce, or even a move that separates us from all things familiar. Understanding that these seven stages are a normal part of this process will help you realize you will get through this, and everyone will benefit in the end. The stage of acceptance will open up a whole new world for you and your baby.