Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents Communication

Communication is the key to any successful relationship and open adoptions are no different. To have a wonderful, healthy relationship between birth parents (or the birthmother) and the adoptive parents will take work on both sides. Here are 4 tips to help communication stay open, honest, and healthy

1. Always speak before you act. Social media is our primary platform to communicate and celebrate. However, it shouldn’t be the first place we post news that should be shared with the birth parents and adoptive parents. In our excitement or frustration we can be insensitive to the fact that one parent finding out through social media before being discussed with each other can be hurtful. Be courteous and celebrate or share frustrations with each other first.
2. Communicate face-to-face when possible (even if you have to use technology due to distance). The written word doesn’t express the feelings behind the words. Therefore, misunderstandings can occur. Meeting personally or over Skype or other face-to-face technology can eliminate any misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Remember sarcasm, sincerity, and other emotions don’t translate with Emojis when sensitive topics need to be discussed.
3. Acknowledge your fears, pain, and grief. Both the birth parents and adoptive parents communication struggle with the complexity of emotions adoption brings about. It’s normal and it’s okay to admit. If the birthmother feels grief and loss from placing her child for adoption and the adoptive parents feel fear of raising the child “right” or feeling like the “natural” parent, this can create tension if not addressed. Express your feelings with understanding and empathy for the other’s position, too.
4. Sharing those milestones. The milestones of a first step, first word, or other “first” is not planned. A quick text, video, or phone call can go a long way to keeping the birthmother included in the open adoption process. Remember, the birthmother placed her child for adoption feeling it was best for the child. Including her and sharing those “first” moments can give her a sense of belonging.

Open adoption brings with it challenges and advantages. If both parties do their part to respect the other, it can bring additional benefits to all involved, including the child. Open adoption works best when both parties are willing to keep open lines of communication. Practice these four tips to improve your communication.